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Yvette Durazo on conflict IQ, negotiating at work, active listening and conflict resolution (#43)

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Yvette Durazo on conflict IQ

In this episode of Her HypeSquad with Bosstrack, I sit down with Yvette Durazo, CEO of Unitive Consulting and author of Conflict Intelligence Quotient – Conflict IQ (R): The Missing Piece to Turbocharge Conscious Leaders’ and Organizations’ Emotional Intelligence.

We talk about conflict IQ, negotiating for what you want or need at work, active listening and resolving conflict.

Contact Yvette

LinkedIn: ⁠@yvette-durazohttps://linkedin.com/in/yvette-durazo/

Website: https://thechangility.com

Facebook: @unitiveconsulting

Instagram: @unitiveconsulting

Twitter: @yvette_durazo

Youtube: @YvetteDurazo

About Yvette

Yvette Durazo, author of the book “CONFLICT INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT “CONFLICT-IQ™,” is the founder of Unitive Consulting, specializing in workplace effectiveness, conflict management, and leadership development.

With a master’s degree in Conflict Resolution, Negotiation, and Peacebuilding from California State University Dominguez Hills, Yvette holds a PCC coaching credential from the International Coaching Federation. She brings innovative techniques to promote positive workplace cultures, trust, and inclusion.

Services offered include conflict mediation, training, anti-bullying prevention, settlement negotiations, and addressing diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) issues.

Yvette is a former consultant at Santa Clara County, experienced in change management and conflict transformation. Additionally, she serves as a professor at various universities and actively participates in ADR associations and the wellness community.

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE

Conflict Intelligence Quotient – Conflict IQ Book
How Not to Land a Toxic Job Q&A (use code QUESTIONS100 to get it for free)
BATNA
WATNA
Post-it Notes
Conflict Resolution Song – Forgive Me by AUSTRA
Conflict Resolution Song – One Day by Matisyahu
Packing Cubes
Decoding Greatness
Yvette’s TV appearance on Zondra TV

Additional Conflict Resolution Playlist

Where is the Love – Black Eyed Peas
Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood – The Animals
Let’s Work Together – Canned Heat
Should I Stay or Should I Go – The Clash
When Doves Cry – The Be Good Tanyas
You Can’t Always Get What You Want – The Rolling Stones
We Can Work It Out – The Beatles
Can We Still Be Friends? – Todd Rundgren
Many Rivers To Cross – Jimmy Cliff
Bridge over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel
Imagine – John Lennon

SHOW NOTES

[03:06] Yvette introduces herself
[04:54] Why conflict resolution is often overlooked
[06:50] Questions to ask so you don’t land in a toxic job environment
[09:17] What to do when someone talks over you at work
[11:20] Generic advice as a starting point only – but situational details matter
[13:16] Explanation of Conflict IQ
[16:19] Traits Michelle looks for in a leader she wants to follow
[17:28] Creating the conflict intelligent leader
[22:!6] Overarching themes of conflict intelligence
[25:57] The high cost of employee turnover
[28:03] Understanding your starting point with conflict intelligence
[29:43] Knowing your BATNA and WATNA
[32:05] Why leaders need to improve their active listening skills
[36:34] Resolving conflict when you don’t directly manage someone
[41:59] How managers often deal with conflict
[42:47] Yvette shares a personal experience of conflict
[49:33] The mentors Yvette contributes her success to
[51:54] The morning and evening routine Yvette attributes her mental well-being to
[53:48] Using post-it notes for a peaceful night of sleep
[55:06] The music Yvette listens to when she needs an energy boost
[55:36] Songs about conflict
[59:50] The recent purchase that has made a positive improvement in Yvette’s life
[1:01:53] The books Yvette is reading right now and articles she’s working on writing
[1:04:00] Yvette’s words of advice and inspiration for the listeners
[1:04:51] How to contact Yvette

QUOTES FROM THE SHOW

“And that is one of the things that women overlooked that it’s so critical important to have those skills because the truth of the matter is that we learn how to negotiate and resolve conflict through our well meaning parents that brought us in, right? We learn this through social transmission. Perhaps a good mentor, your, you know, elementary teacher might teach you some certain skills. Don’t realize that you go into the workplace and you don’t have new or updated skill sets.”

“We [women] tend to use more empathy in negotiating and we don’t, and we don’t address our needs whenever we’re negotiating for salary. So every day we wake up every morning and we deal with our own impersonal conflict, external conflicts that we have, we negotiate ever since we wake up every morning.”

“One day I was thinking about my experiences, you know, that I had already have with professionals working with them and questioning and questioning about the fact that there were people that I was working with that, you know, so they have a good, fair level of emotional intelligence.

Yet they were still fearing having those difficult conversations…Not sleeping at night, worrying every hour of the day that they were gonna have to talk to these people that they don’t know how to have those difficult conversations so that they don’t wanna deal with that the individual that is making them emotionally angry or upset.”

“You don’t know how many times on this side of my screen. I hear and I see the same pattern over and over and over again. General managers, supervisors, managers not wanting to deal with problems and sending , their direct reports to deal with the problem. They overlooked the problem. They don’t want to deal with a problematic person and they’re just hoping that they’re going to get to another position and leave that problem to somebody else because they just don’t want to deal with the situation.”

“So we need to learn how to, how do we function from within out in order to be able to understand our reactions, what are the good things that we do in order to de escalate conflict that we probably don’t even know or haven’t realized. What are the bad things or behaviors that you do that tend to escalate conflict that you need to create awareness of?”

“and when I work with with people one on one to help them to negotiate things, I help them to realize what is it that they can negotiate? And what are the other things that you can negotiate that you can live with? That would be called BATNA, the best alternative to your negotiation.”

“Because at the end of the day, conflict that is not resolved in the appropriate way, the humanistical way, it’s going to affect your health.”

TRANSCRIPT

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