Erica Wiederlight on confidence, the stories we tell ourselves, allowing ourselves to be seen, and our relationship to pleasure (#44)

44. Erica Wiederlight on Confidence

In this episode, I sit down with Erica Wiederlight, confidence coach and CEO of We the Light. We talk about confidence, the stories we tell ourselves, allowing ourselves to be seen, and our relationship to pleasure.

I loved this conversation and had some great takeaways for myself from our talk!!

Contact Erica

Instagram: @wethelight_llc

Website: www.wethelight.org

About Erica

Erica Wiederlight is THE confidence coach who focuses on self love, sexual empowerment, dating, getting your radiance back and going from autopilot to thriving.

In addition to her coaching practice, she is a professional speaker and podcaster. Her podcast “Welcome To The Wiederlife” is a top rated podcast across many categories including: divorce, love, sexuality, yoga, dating, coaching and marriage!

She has been featured on over 100 other podcasts, in addition to being a wellness expert at NYFW, the UN and in publications such as Epoch Times, Galore and Cosmopolitan magazine.


Welcome to the Wiederlife Podcast
Free copy of From Perfectionist to Pleasure Expert eBook (subscription req’d)
The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance-What Women Should Know
RuPaul’s RuTube Channel
Regena Thomashauer’s books


[02:56] Erica introduces herself
[05:29] How confidence can ebb and flow throughout life
[07:28] Defining confidence and what it might look like for different people
[08:47] Common misconceptions of what confidence is
[10:32] How to find someone’s truth – the process for identifying it
[13:32] How to identify if your confidence is crossing over to arrogance
[16:03] How confidence can lead to feelings of vulnerability
[17:32] Reasons why someone might want to work on their confidence
[20:18] Walking through what a confidence transformation can look like
[24:44] Breaking away from what a traditional leader “needs to look/act like”
[27:36] How to find pleasure in work
[31:46] How to identify what gives you joy
[36:04] Why people will avoid pain more than seek pleasure
[40:06] The factors in life that can result in lack of confidence
[44:59] The importance of good bragging and celebrating our accomplishments
[50:11] Erica talks about the impact of mentorship on her life
[51:14] The routines that Erica attributes her well-being to
[54:10] The music Erica turns to when she needs an energy or confidence boost
[55:45] The one thing <$100 that has made a difference in Erica’s life
[57:43] Books Erica recommends that the audience check out
[58:51] The advice and words of inspiration Erica has for everyone
[01:01:02] Where to find Erica online and on social media


“I kept seeing over the years, we were hit with the same thing and people would walk in the door like I said, whether it’s sexual empowerment, it’s money, it’s relationships, it’s asking for a raise. We couldn’t get past this confidence thing. And I was like, oh my gosh, like this is a common theme that we all need.”

“And I think it’s important for us all to articulate it ourselves and what looks what that looks like for ourselves. So it’s not like this floating elusive thing We’re like, oh wait. No, I actually am showing up confident”

“For me, it’s [confidence is] unapologetically showing up as myself truthfully and allowing myself to be seen and witnessed and of course that take that in itself takes a lot of work, you know About being safe to do that.”

“In the beginning when I didn’t define it, there was a sense of wrongness. That they were doing it wrong. Or it should look like this. So I would have folks be like, shouldn’t I be I don’t know, I’m making something up, but like Shouldn’t I be just like wearing wild colors and just being so, you know, taking up space and just being whatever, you know, whatever the story is for each person. And I’m like, that’s one version. Love that. Like, what is your truth?”

“Real confidence dims no one else’s shine. Like, when I am in my confidence, I really actually have more to give. I have more overflow to give. Where I’m like, I want to, you know, I want to cheerlead. I want to, I want to bring people up.”

“There’s a safety piece. Like, what if I am so shiny, sparkly, and there’s a great quote about this, but what if I am so shiny, sparkly, fabulous? And our brains are like, Oh, I want to be shiny. I want to be sparkly. I want to be fabulous. But it’s vulnerable.”

“Pleasure, teaches our brain and our body and our nervous system and all the fabulous things that, like, it’s safe to have good things.”

“Pleasure is the easiest thing to conceptually understand, but practicing it daily, making it a discipline is so challenging.”

“I have great relationships with women, but we always do kind of bond. on our wrongness. And when you start to track it, you’re like, Whoa, like we really do focus on that and focus on other women’s wrongness too.”

“We’re so desensitized to ourselves. We’re so desensitized to the planet, to experiences, to like being present in the moment. And here’s another thing too, when we are desensitized, when we get the thing, right, whether it’s like, I get the partner or I get the raise, by then we’re desensitized. So it’s, it’s not, we think, Oh my gosh, it’s going to change everything.And we’re like, okay, but that was cool. What’s next? Because we aren’t familiar with celebrating.”





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